Bonekickers: A Realistic Alternative

[Kel]

It's obvious from general high feelings, that Bonekickers is falling fairly wide of the mark on the accuracy front.

I've therefore put together this outline for Episode One of my proposed new archaeological TV drama series (a "dig-dram", if you will), which concentrates on the realities of our chosen career path.

__________________

<center>MEET THE EXTREME RSEKICKING ARCHAEOLOGY TEAM

Episode One: A Complete Load of Sheets</center>

&lt;Pre-title opening sequence&gt;

Scene: A hole in the ground, somewhere in Britain.

&lt;General quiet hubbub of speaking e.g. "I hate the rain", "I hate the sun", "I hate this", "They were supposed to provide hard hats", "I shouldn't have bothered with the MA", "My tent leaks", "I could earn more money on the checkouts at Tesco" etc. Low-level background griping continues throughout episode.&gt;

ALAN: Well, that's the section drawn. It's a bit rough, but Dan lost the project's last eraser yesterday. And let me tell you something, if they think I'm buying a new one on the wages they pay...

&lt;Gazes meaningfully into middle distance&gt;
&lt;Incidental music rises to crescendo&gt;

ALAN: ...they can think again!

&lt;Dramatic title sequence runs&gt;

&lt;Camera pans across hole in the ground, to rest on Alan&gt;

&lt;SCENE ONE&gt;
ALAN: Suppose I'd better complete some context sheets then.

&lt;Camera pans down to standard form, which Alan fills in&gt;

&lt;SCENE TWO&gt;
ALAN: Guess I'd better do another context sheet then.

&lt;Camera pans down to standard form, which Alan fills in&gt;

&lt;SCENES THREE TO EIGHT&gt;
&lt;Repeat Scene Two&gt;

&lt;SCENE NINE&gt;
&lt;Alan adds the context sheets into a ringbinder&gt;

ALAN: Well...

&lt;Snaps ringbinder shut&gt;
&lt;Gazes meaningfully into middle distance&gt;
&lt;Incidental music rises to crescendo&gt;

ALAN: ...there goes another sh1tty day in paradise.

&lt;Closing titles roll over a teaser trailer for - Episode Two: Gone to Pot&gt;

DAN: What's this then?

&lt;Offers Alan a barely visible fragment of pot&gt;
&lt;Incidental music rises to crescendo&gt;

ALAN: Looks like...

&lt;Gazes meaningfully into middle distance&gt;
&lt;Incidental music surges to near-hysterical climax&gt;

ALAN: ...a bit of pot.

&lt;Closing titles end with a flourish&gt;


CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: ZZZZZZZzzzzzz... *!* Whu? Wassup? Are we nearly there yet..? Oh... Ah. Join us next week for another riveting episode of Meet The Extreme rsekicking Archaeology Team. (Where did everyone go?)

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So what do you think?

Granted I've exercised some artistic licence. Actual excavation has been omitted in the interests of dramatic pacing. And obviously the action has been accelerated tremendously; I'm just a beginner, so there's no way I could complete eight context sheets in an hour. But I was trying to convey the heady adrenaline rush of the pro-digging circuit.

Where do I collect my BAFTA?

[RedEarth]

Fantastic, the Archaeology BAFTA is surely in the post. I particularly thought that the writing of 'Scenes three to eight: repeat scene two' was extremely moving and the concept of low-level background griping an excellent concept. Really got to the heart of contemporary issues and the existential angst at the centre of modern society, or something.

In fact, if anyone happens to be on site with a video camera or one of those new-fangled phones (as if!) I expect to see links to YouTube rip-offs/well-meaning paraodies/p1ss takes coming soon.

[BAJR Host]

I would second that... and though I did have issues with your script!!




and yes... come on .. lets see some vids!!

"No job worth doing was ever done on time or under budget.."
Khufu

[angi]

I think that it will all hinge on the music..........

[Windbag]

quote:Originally posted by angi

I think that it will all hinge on the music..........

Is John Williams available?

[BAJR Host]

more Benny Hill!

see
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdjsrUMNDhc

This is how archaeology should be!

"No job worth doing was ever done on time or under budget.."
Khufu

[angi]

quote:Originally posted by BAJR Host

more Benny Hill!

see
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdjsrUMNDhc

This is how archaeology should be!

"No job worth doing was ever done on time or under budget.."
Khufu

Will someone give those poor blokes a hand shovel!

[Kel]

quote:I did have issues with your script!!

I'm not wholly surprised. I know even less about scriptwriting than I do about archaeology. Which fortunately renders me perfectly qualified to write archaeology dramas for the BBC. Apparently.

Thought I'd track down some publicity-hungry academic media bunny whose profile's been on the skids for a while, and get them to rubber-stamp the content as "just a bit of fun". I can point critics their way when the ratings go twits-up.

quote:Really got to the heart of contemporary issues and the existential angst at the centre of modern society, or something.

Yah. I like to think I've conveyed the sturm und drang of the zeitgeist and tapped into the schadenfreude of the gestalt. Innit.

[mercenary]

Kel,

brilliant!

Hosty, now I remember why I left N. American archaeology for the UK. Even speeded up it's like watching paint dry. How long do you reckon that took?

[BAJR Host]

Found this wee cracker...

The full text is here

http://www.tellyprofiles.com/shows/b/bone-kickers.html

quote:Based in fact, the series utilised the expertise of Dr Mark Horton, Head of Archaeology at Bristol University, a specialist in the archaeology of historical societies around the world and Bonekickers consultant on the factual evidence and background to the relics featured in each episode.

Which fact was that then...

I could learn to love this series.. for all the wrong reasons..

series two... uh-uh.. but I will say they have an audience of real archaeologists, foaming at the mouth for the next buttock clenching episode.... FOR GAWDs SAKE.. USE YER ARCHAEOLOGICAL IMAGINATION.. and don't mention cleavage


"No job worth doing was ever done on time or under budget.."
Khufu